Category: Wellness

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The Art of Tickling – Cosquillearte, Madrid

I watched The Great Beauty last night – Paolo Sorrentino’s ode to Rome, a satire on high society decadence. In one scene the lead character Jep Gambardella, a journalist and ageing playboy has a meal with one of his confidantes who calls herself ‘the Queen of Misfits’.

“How’s the soup, little Jep?” she asks him.

“You’ve not called me that for centuries, why now?”.

“Because a friend, every now and again, needs to make their friend feel like they did as a child.”

“How can I make you feel like a little girl?”

“You don’t need to, I feel like a little girl every day,” she laughs.

To tap into that energy Jep throws lavish parties for his aristocratic friends where they do the “best Conga in Rome”. He dances and has lots of sex.

Touch is a basic need, it connects the body and mind and keeps us in the moment. Not being touched enough can make us feel withdrawn, lonely, anxious and depressed. In Western cultures, massage is an expensive ‘treat’, a luxury rather than part of our daily routine, as it is in Eastern countries. Massage shouldn’t be something we have to pay a lot for, it helps us to feel connected to ourselves, the planet, and that youthful energy Jep is craving. I’m mindful of this when I see friends and like to give them a hug and a kiss hello because I know how important touch is and what a difference it can make to someone’s sense of well-being.

CosquilleArte in Madrid is a spa doing something a bit different. It’s ‘the world’s first tickle spa’ and has built up a steady roster of clients from children and teenagers to 70-year-olds, and is looking to set up franchises around the world. Intrigued? Here’s a comment piece by Andrew Kuzyk.

Tickling Therapy: No Laughing Matter

Laughter is truly the best form of medicine, right? CosquilleArte, which recently opened in Madrid, now offers half-hour and hour tickling sessions for $35 and $45 respectively in its treatment rooms, where clients can lie down on a comfy massage table…and be tickled. The name of this particular spa, CosquilleArte can be translated to “tickle yourself” or “tickle art” Time.com stated.

“My dad used to tickle me to get me to go to sleep, so it’s always relaxed me,” says owner Isabel Aires, who helped develop the tickling treatment with two trained massage therapists. “One day I just thought, why can’t I pay someone to do this, in the same way as I pay for a relaxing massage?”.

“There is no school for tickling”, she said. “We simply had to invent it ourselves.” With an environment much like many other day spas, the treatment takes place in a darkened room, with soothing music playing and a hint of incense in the air, Time’s Lisa Abend reports.

The client lies down lightly draped with a warm, soothing towel and then the sensual tickling, first with fingertips drawn along the relaxed body, then a delicate feather and so the tickle massage begins. “We use a variety of strokes”, says therapist Lourdes Nieto. “If someone is extra ticklish, we may press firmer. The idea is to completely relax them, not to stress them out in any way.” Abend, while extremely ticklish, confirmed that the treatment was in fact very relaxing and reported that everybody seems to leave happy and hooked on tickling.

Writing this article led me to think, as I have a hundred times before, how much physical touch can give comfort: the delicate stroking a mother gives to her child, the gentle rub on the back of someone who is grieving. Touch has great value, it communicates so much; it makes us all feel good when done properly of course. Our bodies respond to it. I don’t know how widely known this is, but if your partner is experiencing physical pain, light stroking or tickling, especially along the midline of the body, can help immensely.

Tickling stimulates the hypothalamus, which is part of the human brain that controls our body temperature, hunger and sensual behaviour. Many people, therefore, find being tickled and touched a sexual turn-on. If both parties are game then tickle away. Using a sleep mask or blindfold can actually enhance the sensations of touching and double the pleasure enjoyed. The soles of the foot contain concentrated bundles of nerve endings, over 200,000, which make the feet very sensitive and receptive to foot rubs or tickle rubs.

I have personally observed this to be true for myself and others I have touched. Most people are ticklish in some way, whether all over or just in a small “tickle spot”. One doesn’t usually have to look far to find a ticklish spot. Tickling and caressing makes us laugh, smile and feel physical pleasure. Some people like tickling for the way it creates bonding and brings you together, while others enjoy it in more intimate settings. Whether you are being intimate or simply relaxing, tickling can certainly lighten your mood.

Non-consensual tickling should never be administered on an individual…

CosquilleArte Vitoria

Photo by Emilio Garcia on Unsplash

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Adventure travel Blog Wellness

What I Learned on a Shh… Workshop – Review

Words: Kavida Rei

Shh… is a new women-only retreat which aims to help you reclaim your sexuality and femininity and find support in sisterhood. Tantric healer and author Kavida Rei went on a taster workshop to find out more…

For over 30 years I’ve been exploring the far reaches of the world of personal development and spiritual growth. During that time I’ve been actively researching how to achieve optimum physical health and well-being and most of all, psychological and emotional happiness. So when it comes to workshops, I’ve been around. I don’t frequent them anymore, after all, there’s not a lot of spare time when juggling giving sessions as a therapist and facilitating my own Tantra groups and spa retreats. However, having recently met the girls who run Shh…, and being impressed by what they’re offering – residential retreats and London classes – I decided to jump in on a women’s workshop to find out more.

The surprise was not that I enjoyed it – of course, intimate time with women, away from my regular schedule is always delicious and deeply appreciated – but that I learned so much about my body (and mind) in four hours.

I did a fair bit of rebirthing in the 80s when it was all the rage, and since jumping onto the Tantric path in 2000, I’ve consistently practised Tantric methods of breathing with beautiful results, so I figured that when it came to breathwork there wasn’t much more I needed to learn. How wrong I was!

The workshop space itself was exquisite. The Shh… girls do things with panache and there wasn’t a detail overlooked: beautiful blankets, Back Jack chairs for those with dodgy backs, a top-notch sound-system and excellent music throughout the breathing and yoga sessions (anyone who knows me knows that I’m very fussy about my music).

All of the therapists and teachers possess the precious skill of being able to put anyone at ease. Every one of the healing modalities they present is manageable for all levels of fitness. The group consisted of women of all ages and backgrounds, which I find makes a workshop far more interesting an experience. I wasn’t bored for a minute.

The first facilitator Aimee guided us into the breathing practice with grace, humour and compassion. Initially, as we began to breathe, there was tiredness to deal with. I wasn’t the only one struggling with this issue, which is understandable considering we are hardworking women, juggling lots of balls, and living in London. Just laying down with a blanket made us all want to go to sleep…

After a surge of yawning, I made a decision to dive right into the waves of breathing without resistance at which point two trouble spots in my body, chronic problems that I thought I was stuck with forever, suddenly reached peak-pain intensity. Aimee and her two assistants were giving full attention to every participant in the group and someone appeared every time I needed loving hands on my body. They were always encouraging us to go deeper which gave me great confidence to let go even more into the process.

At one point it felt as if my entire system went ‘pop’. I had the physical sensation of diving off a cliff, alongside the realisation that I’d held on to this physiological and emotional pattern since I was in the womb. It was my mother’s fear and grief that I’d absorbed at the time. I was born carrying it in my cellular consciousness, and it has stayed with me through my whole life until now, hidden in the darkest corners of my body and psyche.

Of course! It’s totally understandable – during womb-time, you are One with your mother. This symbiosis between my mother and myself, her experience transmitted directly through the umbilical cord to me, had contributed to my own difficult experience of giving birth to my sons many years later, leading to two brutal caesarian sections. Clarity came, the pattern was cleared and I was free of the tension at last.

In the Transformational Breathing sessions, they have created an additional strategy, which differentiates this modality from say, re-birthing. Between the breathing cycles, you are taken into a particular vocal and physical release technique. This movement counter-balances the intensity of bodily reactions to the breathing, helping to move the energy through, cleansing the body of stored negative emotions.

A cathartic release came next then tears of relief and understanding. Long-held stiffness in my back, directly in line with my heart chakra let go as if by magic, and finally the two blockages in my chest and pelvis were gone! It felt as if I had a new set of arms and legs – the oxygen was flowing up and down them in a way it probably never has. I could sense the chi moving up and down my entire body in surges…I was suddenly, and unexpectedly blissfully orgasmic.

There was such peace in the group when we came to rest. You could have heard a pin drop, not a muscle was moving.

After a short break we were back on our mats, ready for Yin Yoga. The teacher Emma was such a delight, full of enthusiasm and charisma. Her voice was reassuring and calming throughout the whole practice.

Yin Yoga, as its name suggests, is perfect for women. It’s non-competitive and nurturing, feminine and flowing. Enough with the power yoga already. Let the men carry on with Ashtanga if they feel so inclined. It’s not good for us girls! We indulge in enough self-deprecation, constantly comparing ourselves to others. I have noticed a desperate lack of support between women in our society. How wonderful that Shh… brings women together in nurturing environments like this so that we can reclaim our sisterhood. The bottom line is – yin yoga feels right. It feels nourishing in a way that working out in a gym simply doesn’t.

We were encouraged to stretch to our own point of tension and not into pain. It was reiterated through the process that we were not to ‘push’ ourselves. Yin Yoga is an internal experience, in which we maintain full awareness in each and every moment, discovering what feels comfortable and right for us, individually. Another enjoyable aspect of the class was that we laughed a lot. Some of us were steadier on our mats than others, but there was no judgement, no one-upmanship, and that is a rare phenomenon these days, in our crazy world of stressing and striving.

I want to thank the whole Shh… team for the delicious space they created in which we all journeyed together. There was safety and love in the room at all times and it seemed to me that by the end of the afternoon, every woman had had a profound personal shift. Everyone I spoke to said they’d be back for the second workshop in a month.

It’s incredible what can be achieved in a 4.5-hour class when you have safety, trust and expert teaching. On the Shh…retreats, which are three or six nights long, the small group of participants journey even deeper together, supported by ten fully-qualified therapists. The residential retreats are luxurious to say the least. They are held in opulent surroundings with no comfort overlooked. It can be challenging to look so rigorously inside oneself, unveiling destructive patterns we may have carried, unconsciously all through our lives, but the challenge is made so much more palatable with the large doses of pampering, spa time, gourmet food, and divine massages.

Personally speaking I shall be adding Transformational Breathing to my daily practice and during my stretching routine I shall certainly be more loving towards myself!

As we left the team handed each of us the sweetest ‘goody bag’ full of treats and after-care information so we could look after ourselves properly, post-workshop. In true SHH… style, they’d thought of everything.

More info and bookings at www.sensualhealingharmony.com. 

Kavida Rei’s best-selling book: Ultimate Erotic Massage is out now.

www.kavidarei.com

Photo: Thanks to Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

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Blog Wellness

Slow Sex Retreat, Normandy – Review by Rose Rouse

12687978_478474649006642_955684952018020104_nMy partner and I have recently returned from the Seven Day Making Love Retreat and we’re feeling much quieter inside as well as more deeply connected to one another. Why did we embark on this workshop – created by Diana Richardson, author of six books, including Slow Sex, Tantric Orgasm for Women and Tantric Sex for Men – which introduces a different and more sustainable kind of making love?

Well, we were happy with our sex lives but aware that there was another kind of making love available which could make our intimacy greater so we wanted to try out this possibility. We wanted to explore what else was out there for a couple to experience. And the UK teachers, Jayne Blackman and Tim Broughton are friends of mine, so I had already observed what richness and increased love this work had brought to their relationship. And I knew it included allowing more vulnerability into my relationship and I wanted that to happen.

Other reasons for going are that couples may have stopped having sex and fallen into contented companionship, yet realise there is also something missing. Or perhaps one person in the partnership has become nervous about sex because of a health difficulty or erectile dysfunction or numbness of the vagina. Or perhaps they simply want more joy in their making love.

By the time I set off, I was so looking forward to this week being just for my partner and myself. We’d had quite a turbulent summer and I was yearning for peace of heart and mind. The location itself – the Mill Retreat Centre in Normandy – was so gorgeous. An old mill, open fires, delicious vegetarian meals, a group room to die for and autumnal sun in the idyllic grounds that had a lake, falling willow leaves and even a kingfisher. And Jayne and Tim were so personal in their approach that it made the subject of sex (not always easy) so ordinary and every day. I really enjoyed conversing in a pragmatic way about sex with the other couples. It was liberating and a relief.

Our days were spent dancing, meditating, doing bodywork – one of the most important aspects of this work is that you can’t really make love if you’re not present, and so we were encouraged with activities like dance and meditation that brought us into the body – being taught the theory of what we were doing and putting that information into practice. There was dedicated time to make love, which at first seemed a little odd but soon turned into a valuable practice. This style of making love really is a practice like doing yoga or 5Rhythms.

One of the tenets of this work is that in order to fully connect with your partner, you have to connect to yourself first. Oh, I so loved connecting to myself in this tranquil way. It became a resource that I’m still using after the workshop. And because I had opened to myself first and was feeling loving, I could be so much more open and loving to my partner. That difference was wonderful to feel.

One of the aspects of Jayne and Tim’s relationship that I’d noticed before was that they could be vulnerable in the moment. They would say to each other – ‘Oh, wait a minute, I need to go inside ’ or ‘I’m feeling sad right now’ or ‘I feel emotional’. My partner and I took the opportunity to practise more of this during our dedicated making love time. One day, we had a big falling out – we triggered each other and couldn’t sort it out straight away – and we were able to communicate later on in a profoundly vulnerable way. That enabled me to see my behaviour more and it brought more love to our making love.

Which really is what it’s all about – opening the heart, bringing more softness to everyday contact as well as sexual connection plus more skills around communication and understanding. Jayne and Tim bring their own sweet love – as well as the difficulties they encounter along the way – to this workshop in a way that is invaluable and inspiring.

Slow sex, making love in this more conscious way – which is based on the exchange of sexual energy between male and female poles in the body, and moving the focus away from hot sex or orgasms – requires time. I don’t pretend to have got there yet. But we have begun to feel the potential of this way of making love and we’ve booked in our next making love session. It’s actually being committed to giving the time to it that also makes it possible. Incidentally, I also witnessed transformations on this workshop. One woman said she’d been numb in her pelvis area for over 10 years – she’d been having sex with her husband but not enjoying it – and this situation totally changed for her. She became sexually alive again and it was a joy to behold.

In the meantime, I’m welcoming the new levels of harmony into my relationship. Long may it last.

The next Making Love Retreats for couples with Jayne and Tim are May 15th – 22nd and Oct 30th – Nov 6th 2016 at the EarthSpirit Centre in Somerset. Do check out the website and their video: www.themakingloveretreat.co.uk

And please join the Making Love Community.

This article was first published in The Connections Magazine. 

Rose’s Blog: Not on Safari in Harlesden. 

Photos: Thanks to Tim Broughton, Jayne Blackman and Cherries: Chris Liverani on Unsplash