Nika Talbot

Words: Meryl Cubley

PASSION, located on City Road, Cardiff, is one of the biggest ‘sexy shops’ in Cardiff, and I would imagine, probably the country. Wales met the official Geneva-based International Organisation for Standards (ISO) in 2012 and is now recognised as an independent country in the UK – rather than an outdated ‘principality.’ With hugely successful businesses such as PASSION metaphorically flying the Welsh flag high and proud, this is a country firmly bringing sexy back.

The adults-only shopping promises the largest selection of lingerie, fantasy wear and fetish wear in Wales; and markets itself as a ‘couple friendly’ superstore of fantasy and play for adults. With lingerie, corsets, clothing, costume jewellery, stockings, shoes, boots, adult gifts and erotic books to get you in the mood, PASSION firmly believes that couples who play together – stay together.

Alice’s playground

From the outside (you can’t miss it – look for the girly pink building) the store doesn’t look particularly big, yet step inside and you will find yourself in a veritable Alice in Wonderland of every possible erotic penchant imaginable. There are wipe-down friendly rubber vinyl wear and PVC, harnesses, masks and blindfolds. Maybe you fancy a Squaddie for the night? There’s an outfit here for your man. Something altogether more swash-buckling? A Pirate costume will tickle your box. See yourself as Catwoman? PASSION has some gorgeous catsuits – and if you feel like being a little more subservient for the night, then the French Maid is for you. Nursery is also there of course; whereas for me, the one that got my heart racing was a very sexy female Pilot outfit which was just (as they say here in Wales) LUSH.

There are all manner of ornaments and extras to fit all of your fantasies (Asylum anyone? You’re the ‘patient,’ the man is the ‘doctor’ who can’t resist peering inside his wards of care – yes, it’s a speculum) and if you’re into water games – PASSION has Orgy Lakes – perfect for slippery sex games, without ruining the carpet. Ruff Lust is a selection of ‘hands’ and paddles for spanking made from leather for naughty girls and boys; as well as riding crops and whips for the dominatrix amongst you.

The hosiery on offer is outstanding, with quite a lot of it suitable for everyday wear – I particularly liked the Magic Legs spandex heart back seam sheer pantyhose; and the Elegant Moments leopard print hold-ups.

There are lubes-a-plenty to suit all and every need; as well as dolls such as ‘Big John,’ and if all this sex shopping tires you out, PASSION also stocks clothes, though you may want to save them for the bedroom rather than the boardroom or high street.

PASSION is also a LELO stockist (the Rolls Royce of sex toys and accessories) but never fear – as more purse-friendly ranges are widely available, so there really is something for everyone. They have a good selection of erotic books that span guides for ménage à trois, to Kim Cattrall’s Sexual Intelligence and Linda Bird’s, 52 Brilliant Ideas – Look Gorgeous Always. And whilst browsing this area of the store I found my pulse quickening upon finding a fabulous range of 50’s style bikinis and bathing costumes which whilst there needs to be more in varying sizes (my girls need underwiring and a balconette style when it comes to bikini tops) they are fabulously designed. Think polka dots, stripes aplenty and sailor ahoy motifs.

School of Passion

However, as much as I could have stayed shopping forever more, I was here to experience PASSION’S first salon – the ‘School of PASSION,’ launched in February, as a series of master classes to offer customers the chance to improve their knowledge of all things sexy.

The first presentation, ‘Sex Toys for Girls,’ serves as a brilliant introduction to both what PASSION is looking to achieve with their School of PASSION and as a chance for women to come along and learn what all the buzz is about from in-house experts.

For those looking to buy a first vibrator, or simply curious about the history of sex toys; and as an opportunity to have a fun girly afternoon in the shop, this first class is perfect.

After being led upstairs to the studio (which houses 9 poles used for fitness and dance instruction on a daily basis – not classes on how to strip I’m told) myself and the other ladies are settled down by a strict and sexy ‘mistress’ who outlines that lateness will not be tolerated at this ‘School’ – and those who do come late will be made to sit on the naughty seat (this is later filled by her friend who has been delayed by a long visit at the hair salon).

Dressed in a pencil skirt, white blouse, hair tumbling loose and glasses, the ‘mistress’ puts everyone at their ease with her skit of a Principle-type and soon we are all laughing and tucking into pastries and cupcakes and tea and coffee. There is an ‘all girls together’ feeling, which the mistress facilitates well; and once everyone is happily munching away we begin:

History of vibrators

Kick off is a potted history of the sex toy which is informative and interesting, particularly to the ladies present. Our mistress is also very keen to point out that the stigmas of the past in terms of women and their sexuality do not exist at PASSION – whether they still exist in the wider social and cultural landscapes or not.

The story of mechanical devices and a little Freud is followed by the 1960s and ’70s and the sexual revolution; right up to the modern era with SATC, sexual-topic documentaries and the 50 Shades phenomenon.

We discuss the massively varying types of customer at PASSION from adolescents to the silver sexy sixties; and everything in between. Our mistress tells us that in the UK today 1 in 3 households will have at least one sex toy in residence – so just what are us sexy Brits buying?

The story of the sex toy wouldn’t be complete without touching on the cutie bunny. Our mistress tells us the toy was originally produced in Japan before a Californian company imported the ‘Rabbit Pearl’ in 1984. We are instructed that any beginner should start off simply and gradually move upwards; our mistress tells us that when you start drinking you don’t start on whiskey for example – and straight away we are all wondering what the ‘whiskey’ of the sex toy will be…

Choosing a sex toy…

After passing around a few of the rabbit toy ranges; we take a look at clit stimulators, straight vibe dildos, eggs, remote controlled toys (men love these for the gadget appeal) and we talk about how most can also be used anally – with a lot of lube girls!

Noise levels are discussed and some of the ladies tell stories of accidental sex toy discovery due to unwanted and unexpected volume issues. We take a look at power bullets, and everyone’s interest is aroused when our mistress gets out a vibe with Mick Jagger lips and interesting tentacles, that is made to fit over the entire vaginal area, for lots of multiway pleasure. I like.

LELO has to make an appearance; they are truly beautiful toys – but again our mistress explains that there are plenty of toys out there that suit everyone’s budget – you don’t have to have a lot of cash to have a lot of sexual fun.

We look at the Mini Mite and the Rampant Rabbit; as well as Petit Ami. Talk moves on to handcuffs (and a small child locking himself to the school gates with his mother’s cuffs) and the best place to keep your sexy toys. Most of us agree it’s the bedside cabinet – one lady tells us she has a blanket box full of toys. Go, girl!

More bunnies come out of the box of tricks, including one with twin turbo oscillation. Oh, baby! Which leads us nicely onto anal toys.

We discuss different types of lube, and the mistress shows us some aqua-friendly anal toys which I think is rather a good idea if you’re looking for bum fun.

Next up are love balls and the importance of Kegel exercises, which can be done sans balls of course – but why be dull? We’re taught about the many different anal balls, including metal balls, which are great for those who are into temperature erotica.

The Naughty Nano looks like a lot of fun; and works alongside your iPod – and we’re challenged to find out how naughty our playlists are!

Back to vanilla vibes and we all ‘ooh’ and ‘ahhh’ at the blingiest bunny ever, The Extreme Pure Gold is definitely one for the ladies who have everything or just cannot get through the day without a little sparkle.

Remember the one that Sam uses in SATC? We all take our time examining this bad boy and our mistress tells us it’s also used in porn films – and works incredibly well as a back and body massager too – so I think that £53 price tag is more than good value. There are also no concerns over a fizz out of battery situation like Samantha’s did at a very crucial moment, the Super Silicone is rechargeable, which makes it a winner for me.

Mistress explains that vibes are not a man-replacement and that most sex toys work fantastically well with a partner – and the ranges available are so wide, with lots of non-phallic, so that those who have understandable cock issues can rest easy.

So, maybe it’s time for that whisky now?… and wow! does it pack a punch! The ladies are in hysterics as mistress shows us the damn right barmy dildos that are in no uncertain terms – HUGE!!!! We look at the 12” Pretty in Pink Double Dong, the 15” veined Shaft No Hardener, the 18” Double Header in black… and finally (the strongest whiskey in the world) the Ream and Scream Suction, which is absolutely bizarre – and I can’t imagine how anyone would be able to mount it, using any orifice, without the use of some serious muscle relaxants.

This final part of the class is really just for japes and jokes, but we are told that some gay men, particularly in the European market do buy these monsters. I find that the mental images this information brings to mind are not welcome, and so I busy myself with more tea and cake and another look at all the pretty toys which beg to be played with…

Can’t get to PASSION? Fear not – they’re also online!

Photo: Thanks to Wyron A on Unsplash

My partner and I have recently returned from the Seven Day Making Love Retreat and we’re feeling much quieter inside as well as more deeply connected to one another. Why did we embark on this workshop – created by Diana Richardson, author of six books, including Slow Sex, Tantric Orgasm for Women and Tantric Sex for Men – which introduces a different and more sustainable kind of making love?

Well, we were happy with our sex lives but aware that there was another kind of making love available which could make our intimacy greater so we wanted to try out this possibility. We wanted to explore what else was out there for a couple to experience. And the UK teachers, Jayne Blackman and Tim Broughton are friends of mine, so I had already observed what richness and increased love this work had brought to their relationship. And I knew it included allowing more vulnerability into my relationship and I wanted that to happen.

Other reasons for going are that couples may have stopped having sex and fallen into contented companionship, yet realise there is also something missing. Or perhaps one person in the partnership has become nervous about sex because of a health difficulty or erectile dysfunction or numbness of the vagina. Or perhaps they simply want more joy in their making love.

By the time I set off, I was so looking forward to this week being just for my partner and myself. We’d had quite a turbulent summer and I was yearning for peace of heart and mind. The location itself – the Mill Retreat Centre in Normandy – was so gorgeous. An old mill, open fires, delicious vegetarian meals, a group room to die for and autumnal sun in the idyllic grounds that had a lake, falling willow leaves and even a kingfisher. And Jayne and Tim were so personal in their approach that it made the subject of sex (not always easy) so ordinary and every day. I really enjoyed conversing in a pragmatic way about sex with the other couples. It was liberating and a relief.

Our days were spent dancing, meditating, doing bodywork – one of the most important aspects of this work is that you can’t really make love if you’re not present, and so we were encouraged with activities like dance and meditation that brought us into the body – being taught the theory of what we were doing and putting that information into practice. There was dedicated time to make love, which at first seemed a little odd but soon turned into a valuable practice. This style of making love really is a practice like doing yoga or 5Rhythms.

One of the tenets of this work is that in order to fully connect with your partner, you have to connect to yourself first. Oh, I so loved connecting to myself in this tranquil way. It became a resource that I’m still using after the workshop. And because I had opened to myself first and was feeling loving, I could be so much more open and loving to my partner. That difference was wonderful to feel.

One of the aspects of Jayne and Tim’s relationship that I’d noticed before was that they could be vulnerable in the moment. They would say to each other – ‘Oh, wait a minute, I need to go inside ’ or ‘I’m feeling sad right now’ or ‘I feel emotional’. My partner and I took the opportunity to practise more of this during our dedicated making love time. One day, we had a big falling out – we triggered each other and couldn’t sort it out straight away – and we were able to communicate later on in a profoundly vulnerable way. That enabled me to see my behaviour more and it brought more love to our making love.

Which really is what it’s all about – opening the heart, bringing more softness to everyday contact as well as sexual connection plus more skills around communication and understanding. Jayne and Tim bring their own sweet love – as well as the difficulties they encounter along the way – to this workshop in a way that is invaluable and inspiring.

Slow sex, making love in this more conscious way – which is based on the exchange of sexual energy between male and female poles in the body, and moving the focus away from hot sex or orgasms – requires time. I don’t pretend to have got there yet. But we have begun to feel the potential of this way of making love and we’ve booked in our next making love session. It’s actually being committed to giving the time to it that also makes it possible. Incidentally, I also witnessed transformations on this workshop. One woman said she’d been numb in her pelvis area for over 10 years – she’d been having sex with her husband but not enjoying it – and this situation totally changed for her. She became sexually alive again and it was a joy to behold.

In the meantime, I’m welcoming the new levels of harmony into my relationship. Long may it last.

The next Making Love Retreats for couples with Jayne and Tim are May 15th – 22nd and Oct 30th – Nov 6th 2016 at the EarthSpirit Centre in Somerset. Do check out the website and their video: www.themakingloveretreat.co.uk

And please join the Making Love Community.

This article was first published in The Connections Magazine.

Rose’s Blog: Not on Safari in Harlesden.

Photos: Thanks to Tim Broughton, Jayne Blackman and Cherries: Chris Liverani on Unsplash